Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
