So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
