Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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