remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
