I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
