They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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