god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
