bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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