Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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