Where is the hickey?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
