Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
