You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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