my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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