Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
