im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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