This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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