Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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