My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
