omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
