don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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