I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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