I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't deserve a penis
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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