I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
