I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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