Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
