i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize