Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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