Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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