And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
