i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
