Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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