she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
