They should really pass out barf bags in church
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
