i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
