what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize