Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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