wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
