I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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