I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
