You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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