if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
