Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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