Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
