Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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