trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
