well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
