I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
