Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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