every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
