I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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