she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
