does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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