opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
