That's intense
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
