That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
50% drunk capacity currently
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
