I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
