why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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