I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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