At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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