just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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