I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize