so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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