Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
