You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
