i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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