Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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