what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
