So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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