So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
