I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
