You really coming over, don't trick.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wanna go halves on a baby?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
